i have been different lately. i have been more confident about myself. i know what i want and i know how i will react and feel around certain situations. which is weird because usually i feel like i dont really know myself. i am more confident about my body and how i look and for the first time ever i think i actually believe that i am pretty. this whole thing sounds vain but i think everyone really needs this to be truely happy with themselves.

but as i get more confident with myself, i get less confident in others. i worry about how easily people come and go in my life. its so easy to lose someone you love. either by choice, or location, or in bad situations even life itself. i have lost a lot of friends lately. biggby friends moving to different states, me choosing not to be friends with people, and just lack of touch. my biggest fear these days is being lonely. not romantically (although i dont like being lonely in that sense either which is unfortunatly my life right now) but just in general. i fear i will have no one to hang out with on a friday night. or no one to tell how my day went. or no one to just randomly text about something silly i saw today or something that made me laugh.


i dont ever want to be alone. please dont leave me.