life.

i feel like an idiot for being so emtional and getting my damn hopes up over and over.

yesterday, i felt like this.

"i dont understand why i'm not dead. when your heart breaks, you should die."
-harper pitt, angels in america

today. i feel like this.

"seems that i have been held, in some dreaming state
a tourist in the waking world, never quite awake
no kiss, no gentle word could wake me from my slumber
until i realise that it was you that held me under

no more dreamin gof the dead as if death itself was undone
no more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
no more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
no more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
no more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world"
-blinding, florence and the machine.

i am still very sad. yes. but i feel kind of strong at the same time. i think i am done crying (for now at least) and even though i woke up and wanted to die when i realized all that happened last night and i just wanted to roll over and curl up in a ball and sleep till september, i got up. i made it. i can do this. i am strong.

im not going to let him make me this sad ever again.