yesss.

got up at 8:30
baked two loaves of banana bread.
watched federer make it to the quarter finals at wimbledon.
four job apps completed.
working on my resume now.

going to go to library.
bring resumes to the job app places.
go buy a shirt.
go find katie laurie.
GO TO LUDACRIS CONCERT.


today is goooooooood. :)

out of this world.

i feel kind of alienated from everyone.

i dont feel like partying. i dont feel like really going out that much with my usual crowd. on vacation everything was different. we ddint have as much fun, didnt get along as well, and it was just plain weird. sami and i are fine which is amazing. but everyone and everything else seems kind of out of place. maybe im growing up.

i am not sad. i know this sounds like such a downer post and that im sad all the time. but im not. im slowly forgetting ryan. almost all the way now. but i just feel like i have important things to do now. get down to business. i need a second job. i need to work my ass of for the rest of the summer. and that is not going to happen at biggby.

i want to accomplish things. i want to make the things i want to actually happen. i feel like i always do things half assed. im over that.

im motivated.
im successful.
im me.

looking up?

i am not really sad anymore. just kind of..... empty.

i have a good feeling about life though. it will get better. i will find that person. :)




ps. I NEED A DATE TO A WEDDING.

tired.

today i am pooped.

very tired. rainy.

had funzo yesterday acting like a weirdo with katie. and listening to STYX!


haha. today i am listening to john legend and chillin out before work. nothing new and exciting. just livin yo.



ordinary people

im in a funky funk funk and i dont likey like like it.

im waitin it out a bit.

but waiting kind of scares me.


ive been thinking about life a lot lately. and how i keep thinking of the future. i need to remember that life is NOW. if im not happy now, i cant just wait around for weeks or months thinking it will just get better.

make life what you want it.

life.

i feel like an idiot for being so emtional and getting my damn hopes up over and over.

yesterday, i felt like this.

"i dont understand why i'm not dead. when your heart breaks, you should die."
-harper pitt, angels in america

today. i feel like this.

"seems that i have been held, in some dreaming state
a tourist in the waking world, never quite awake
no kiss, no gentle word could wake me from my slumber
until i realise that it was you that held me under

no more dreamin gof the dead as if death itself was undone
no more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
no more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
no more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
no more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world"
-blinding, florence and the machine.

i am still very sad. yes. but i feel kind of strong at the same time. i think i am done crying (for now at least) and even though i woke up and wanted to die when i realized all that happened last night and i just wanted to roll over and curl up in a ball and sleep till september, i got up. i made it. i can do this. i am strong.

im not going to let him make me this sad ever again.