longing.

ok here is my rant.

WHY THE HELL AM I AT CC?

i love grand valley. i love dance troupe. i love the campus. and i left it. I miss it so much and its all my own damn fault.

i hate cc. its cold. its far away. i take the bus there two days a week. the other day i drive and have to drive and deal with a shitty ass parkin ramp.


sometimes i seriously have a physical longing to be back on campus and living in the dorms. no joke. i miss my dorm the most i think. I loved everything about it. i know it wasnt the most amazing thing ever, but to me it was. i loved coming home and jumping in bed and going to sleep every afternoon. i loved skipping classes. i loved sitting inmy bed and looking at the window and being able to see my friends walking by all the time. i miss jessica and rob being across the hall from me. i miss kleiner. i miss my all nighters there. I MISS IT SO MUCH. i miss the feel of it. i miss how warm my room always was. i miss the shower. i miss our nasty dishes we never did and left in thte sink for days.
and i couldnt be there again even if i tried. its freshmen only. now, i go on facebook and some of the people who are first years at gv are in those dorms. and i get insanely jealous right away. that was my home. and i want it back.

i feel like i had everything i wanted and gave it up willingly.
fuck being smart and saving money. im in college. i should be dumb.

i know im living in allendale and am right by gv, but its not the same. i think it makes it worse. i am so close, but so far away.

i really miss dance troupe too. i want to dance. so badly. and i have no place to do that.
GOD. im sad. i want to go back next semester. but my dad is seriously refusing. cool.




happy note: today is ryan and my fifth month together. <3