i was super sad today. not having a good day at all.

then i danced. :) then i found out he asked if i was gonna be there. (which means he wants me. oh yes he does.) and i am feeling ohhhh so much better.

state and canada this weekend. god lets just skip to thursday already.

artprize wednesday too. life is goooooood. :)

i am getting so busy.

and i like it a lot.
i think i need to stop looking.... and just start living. stop being concerned and sad and just go.

which is what i am starting to do.

i just wish i didnt have to work....

oh well. i will do me.

im over him. cos i KNOW he is wrong for me and a douche bag. but wow. i didnt even see him, just his friends, and i nearly fainted. (after they were gone of course) it amazes me how much someone can affect me.

and i wish i didnt associate him with my music. cos a lot of music i really like i find myself not able to listen to. and also he gave me half of my music library. for example: the new frontiers. and f.u.n. and lydia. DAMN YOU RYAN. i want to listen to that music. it is so good. but it makes me sad. i am giong to go to a f.u.n. concert though. make new memories. BAM. fixed.

god i hate this process.

i've got a feeling.... and i think its a good one. :)


im hopeful. and wishing. and in a good mood. :) such a good feeling compared to the shit i have felt like lately.

doucheeeee bagggggggg.

really? wow.

im so exhausted. i was so excited for school. like SO EXCITED. and now i am so depressed or down or whatever that i am not even enjoying it.

he is still messing with my mind. he is still effecting my moods. he is still ignoring me at the moment. when he was the one that fucked up. i just dont get it.

i need to stop being sad. i need to stop being depressed over this.


i have good friends. i have fun most of the time. but this past week has sucked some major ass.

shit shit shit shit.



im going under again. shit.